I wonder if hypnotherapy works as well as they portray it on 'X-Files' or even 'Criminal Minds.' On one level I think it is kind of hokum (I have allowed myself to be hypnotized, but not by a professional in a clinical environment), but I can see how it might lower some barriers. I'd be interested in trying it in a controlled environment.

Dark Dreams again

Had another totally bizarre dream last night, that persisted even after waking up twice.

I am starting back at my last job, but the boss keeps moving the furniture around in the offices, so no one can get anything done.

The next day I am stressing out, trying to get to work (with my sister!), running late, leaving home in Bethel Park and suddenly in downtown DC, trying to catch the Red Line Metro, but stuck on an elevator with Japanese tourists, one of whom wants to watch 'Frozen' on a screen in the elevator...

Finally in the platform. The trains are like ancient locomotives, and our red car does not come while blue and orange ones do, on the same track (Metro does not actually work like that).

And it goes downhill from there...

Medicinal Dreams

I swear either the cholesterol or the blood pressure meds make me sleep more. So last night I had this long-running dream where three female friends and I were trying to go see *Nsync in concert, and it was many years in the future where Timberlake was washed up and they were re-united, but they still looked young. The future was sometimes post-apocalyptic, but sometimes normal. We seemed to be mostly hanging around an area that looked like Conn Ave near Dupont Circle, and we traveled there from C'ville by train, and there was all this detail about train tickets, and getting on the right train, and then when we got there we did not have concert tickets! We made up this elaborate scam to trick these young girls into selling us the tickets... the dream went on and on, despite one break when I got up for some water. WTF

It's July in Arlington

Just finishing a project, and many things hang in the balance. I cleaned up this mess of a blog, and like the new look. Now if I can just get it to link to FB....

Lost in Charlottesville

Another disturbing dream. I was visiting Charlottesville with my mother and sister (as if that wasn't disturbing enough). Staying at a big old manor house paper bag with half-eaten sandwich Parked car at either old dorm room (now destroyed) or a new condo, sort of at Ashtree Went to Scott Stadium area, then to a huge multilevel indoor mall. It kept getting later and I did not know where my car was, not sure where the house was, and kept getting turned around. Asking people where Rigby Road was, though I really needed to be near JPA, in the dream. Twisting escalator. Finally got on a bus as it started to rain, carrying all these strange characters around. No phone.

The Return of Terry

Welcome back to the Synaptic Discharge. More than I want to share on Facebook, yet I am not yet ready to tweet every little thing. Today, so anxious about the release of my new book, Emer III, an atlas of a part of my fantasy world

More dreams

More dreams. I'm back at my much-beloved apt at Ashtree in Charlottesville (with the old wood siding, not the new crap), but it is more like a vacation home, and all through the dream, I am running behind my friends, always trying to pack things I need to go on a trip, and they are like 'Terry come on!' and they leave me behind. And in one reiteration, I lose my backpack, which has my phone and plane tickets (to some exotic east place we are going) and wallet and everything, so I am searching and searching, then I find my wallet in my board shorts, and someone says some guy (who looked like Ross Lynch) may have kicked my pack away as a prank down by the pool, so look for it there. (confusing enough yet?). THEN I am in DC, but I don't know it at all, and trying to follow my old friend KB into the Metro (still missing my backpack) and a I get off at Dupont Circle (which looks NOTHING like the actual Dupont Circle stop, it is open and round with a big atrium and shops all down inside) and KB calls me and is why did you get off? And we keep missing each other on stops. MEANWHILE there is another plot with my husky Nanuk, who I got a sitter for, and when I go to get him she scolds me for not letting him run more, and says 'you didn't think he was a purebred, did you?' And when she brings him back, she has clipped the fur on HALF of him. Where does this s**t come from?

After being off the Lexapro and the Wellbutrin for 3 days, and all the anger I am feeling today, I am wondering if these drugs have been dulling all my emotions? I sent an email to my mother I might regret, but whatever, I got it off my chest. I'm going to stay off a few more days and see what happens. I'm not any more suicidal than I was.

Dreams

I have been having the most stramge and vivd dream lately, maybe the meds, or maybe my unusual sleeping patterns. They are interesting, extremely detailed and full of color, but unfortunately most are negative. The last was one of me taking a Photoshop class, and i was apparently not doing my homework.

High School

I'm having flashbacks to High School. Oddly enough, I was in so many activities that there were sometimes conflicts, and sometimes they got ugly. One time there were two concerts scheduled for the same night, and I had to choose. I had a bell choir concert (I loved bell choir) and also some symphonic band concert, where we were supposed to perform 'Procession of the Sardar' which involved a bassoon solo. I knew we were only doing it because my mother requested it. She was one of those psycho band boosters, made jackets for the directors and was basically stalking the head director, even though he was married. First of all, I had no desire to do a solo or be put on the spot that way, and certainly I hated being manipulated. The bell director said she could fill in, but it would not be the same, while in band there was another capable bassoonist. So, guess what I chose? Bell choir. My mother and the director were furious. Well, screw them both.

Clever

From my favorite movie, 'Another Country:'

Fowler: Are you trying to be clever or something?
Tommy Judd: I don't have to try, I am clever.

I've never felt clever. Smart sometimes, but in the circles I started to move in at a certain age, I felt like I needed to be clever. Certain people always were, while I was a step, or three, behind.